Musical Theory

So, musical theory--I have one.

I think I may revolutionize the world of art and composition. Or at least increase sales of Red Bull among the starving artists with beards and vacant stares.

It is no secret that Mozart's 40th symphony changed the musical world. But what no one else has been sure of until now (this is the part that will make me famous among the Beards) is that Mozart was inspired by caffeine.

Here comes my proof. We'll use today's case study as our primary evidence (and sole inspiration for my theory). Notice I changed the subject of the last sentence to the plural so I can dish off some responsibility for my claim or to appear humble to the Beards who create artwork of Renaissance beauty and Twitter about me constantly after this.

Exposition:
First theme -- My toddler son Joseph (or "someone") sees his sister take Tylenol. Mom leaves the room, he moves the stool to the medicine shelf. This theme is happy with some darkness developing under the surface.
Second theme -- Joseph gets the Excedrin, a divine combination of acetaminophen, aspirin, and caffeine. This theme is much more sinister than the first.
Cadence theme -- Joseph (in a series of chords, hence the cadence) takes several Excedrin. The cadence theme is usually fast, because Mom might be back any second.

Development:
Here's where the fun begins. All I want to say about this is that I'm not a big fan of modulations.
Retransaction -- This part of the day is the letdown. It happens after your protagonist (or is it antagonist?) has been in the ER for three hours.

Recapitulation:
Do we have to go through this again? Goodness, Mozart. I've had enough.
First theme -- Joseph's dad (why did Mom stay home?) is given a cupful of charcoal to spoon into Joseph's mouth. This theme is more depressing this time.
Second theme -- Joseph gets the charcoal: Satan's attempt at making Dad's day more miserable. This theme is more evil and loud than it was in the Exposition.
Cadence theme -- Joseph throws it all back up several times. Yes, the charcoal. The cadence theme is usually fast, because Joseph wants to catch Dad off-guard.

Coda:
When we get home, Joseph throws up on the rug just to make sure we've developed this music as far as it can go.

The music ends on that note with Dad eating some heavily caffeinated chocolate while wearing a Vacant Stare....