Friday, July 24, 2009

Pizza, Pizza

Have you ever had a great pizza at home? I mean one that wasn't delivered and that has less salt than the Dead Sea. Have you made a pizza at home but the dough didn't cook or it just tasted bland? Here's a pizza recipe that will put pizza delivery and even gourmet pizza parlors out of business. This is better than the best pizzas most people eat--and it's easy. Thank you, Wolfgang Puck!

In the bowl of a stand mixer, dissolve 2 1/2 tsp (1 packet) active dry yeast in 1 cup warm water. Add 1 tsp honey and stir together. Let sit for 3 minutes and stir in 1 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil.

Combine 3 cups all-purpose flour and 1 tsp salt and add to yeast mixture. Mix all together and knead at low speed for 2 minutes, then at medium speed about 5 minutes.

You can finish kneading by hand for 2 minutes, but I don't think it is necessary.

Lightly oil a bowl, put dough in on one side, then flip to the other so both sides are oiled. Tightly cover the bowl and leave in a warm spot to rise for 30 minutes or more.

Divide the dough (I divide into 2 or 4 pizzas, depending on what size pizza I want) and shape each ball then roll around under your palm until smooth and firm. Cover the balls and let rest for 30 minutes. You can put them in the refrigerator for use later or use the dough right after it has rested.

When ready to cook pizzas, preheat oven to 500 degrees. Heat baking stone or baking sheet in the oven. Press out the dough--begin by pressing down the middle of the ball with the heel of your hand and spread it out from there into a circle. Form a slightly thicker, raised rim around the edge of the pizza.

I put the pizza dough on some foil so I can easily transfer the pizzas to the hot baking stone or baking sheet. Brush some olive oil on the pizza, but not on the rim.

Put some marinara or pesto sauce on the dough. Top with cheeses--try mozzarella and fontina, or some Gruyere.

Pizza 1. I love it with just our homemade pesto, Parmesan, and fontina.

Pizza 2. I can't resist a marinara, mozzarella, goat cheese, Italian sausage, pepperoni, thin-sliced ham, and thyme pizza.

Pizza 3. Melanie likes a marinara pizza with mozzarella, fresh pineapple, and thin-sliced ham.

Pizza 4. Recently, she has been eating veggie pizzas without cheese because the baby doesn't digest dairy easily. She starts by putting a marinara sauce on the pizza. Saute sliced portabellini mushrooms in olive oil, fresh oregano, and garlic. Put mushroom mixture, artichoke hearts, and sliced tomatoes on the pizza.

Bake the pizzas at 500 degrees for about 10 minutes. Make sure the baking stone or baking sheet is preheated or you'll have a soggy inner dough. The cheese should be bubbling and the crust should be golden brown.

Remove the pizzas, cut into slices, and eat it up, yum.

Harry Potter

I decided that their aren't enough self-proclaimed movie experts who post their reviews online. It's hard to find out what people think about blockbuster movies these days (sarcasm intended). With that in mind, I thought I should increase the pool of untrained online movie reviewers who, well, review movies online.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is easily the best movie of the bunch. The others (even the great Prisoner of Azkaban) just tried too hard. They used spectacle to numb minds into thinking that something more substantial was happening. This is a real movie with real motives and real people. There is only one scene (when Dumbledore and Harry pick up Slughorn) that magic is meant to be showy and exciting, but Dumbledore's self-deprecating lines makes it seem less forced and showy and more fun.

The director, David Yates, does a good job of pacing and of keeping things interesting by focusing on the characters, their thoughts, struggles, and motives. This is a very romantic movie, true to the emotions and feelings of the characters. It is confident in making changes and adding what is appropriate to create a real story out of a very complicated mess of Rowling's book.

Jim Broadbent as Professor Slughorn shows depth that isn't in the books. Broadbent's Slughorn is a sad, pathetic, and broken man. His life's ambitions have brought little of what matters in the end, and this aging, reaching character is brought to sad and satirical life by a great actor. Between Broadbent, Gambon, and Rickman, I sometimes forgot that this movie was about the very able Daniel Radcliffe's character.

Michael Gambon's Dumbledore is less intrusive and more somber, I assume because he has enough screen time in this movie to get his views across more subtly than he has in the past.

Daniel Radcliffe gets better and better as Harry. He never disappoints with his thoughtful performance. He is no kid actor anymore and could carry any part handily. I think I might have had as much fun watching Harry take the Felix Felices potion as Radcliffe had acting outside his normal Potter role--it was hard to tell. He was brilliantly funny.

Alan Rickman is a perfect Snape as usual. He also gets more screen time, so he changes his normally cold, comic relief performance into something with a little more bite to it.

Thank goodness Emma Watson gave up her quavering Hermione voice for more subdued speech. She is not overacting in this one and doesn't deliver a bad line. In fact, most of her lines aren't just adequate, they are sensitive and truly thoughtful.

Rupert Grint is reduced to dumb show and Monty Python-esque comic relief. He let his quiet charm in awkward situations be the laughs in the previous film, but in this one, he is less than charming and maybe even annoying.

Bonnie Wright's Ginny is very good. Thank heavens they finally put some make-up on her and had Harry stand on a box when next to her.

Tom Felton is a much deeper Draco Malfoy instead of the bumbling creep he's played until now. He shows a real struggle and is looking a little like James Stewart, though he doesn't quite show the flair. I know he has it: I loved him in Anna and the King.

This movie is shot as beautifully as Prisoner of Azkaban, though less flambouyantly (which is probably a good thing). The color palette has lots of grays and earth tones with shots of bright, warm colors at dramatic moments (like when Dumbledore is defending Harry from an army of dead people puppets with a wall of fire issuing from his wand). Speaking of dead people puppets, I'm surprised every kid and nerdy adult collector in the world doesn't have their own army of dead people puppets. Toys R Us, here's a hint: make little dead people puppets, like the molded red plastic cowboys and Indians I used to play with before I cared that the poor Indians always lost.

The music is a lot more grown up than John Williams's melodic bells and simple strings. This music has a soul to it that I wouldn't expect in a "children's movie" (which this probably isn't, by the way, because they'd be bored out of their minds with the character development and leisurely pacing).

Anyone else love this Harry Potter? I had a lot of fun. I've had to convince my wife twice already that "we don't need to go see it again today, Honey. We just say it yesterday."

A Bear of Very Little Brain

Pooh sat down on a large stone, and tried to think this out. It sounded to him like a riddle, and he was never much good at riddles, being a Bear of Very Little Brain. So he sang Cottleston Pie instead:

Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
A fly can't bird, but a bird can fly.
Ask me a riddle and I reply:
"Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie."

That was the first verse. When he had finished it, Eeyore didn't actually say that he didn't like it, so Pooh very kindly sang the second verse to him:

Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
A fish can't whistle and neither can I.
Ask me a riddle and I reply:
"Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie."

Eeyore still said nothing at all, so Pooh hummed the third verse quietly to himself:

Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
Why does a chicken, I don't know why.
Ask me a riddle and I reply:
"Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie."

"That's right," said Eeyore. "Sing. Umty-tiddly, umty-too. Here we go gathering Nuts and May. Enjoy yourself."
"I am," said Pooh.
"Some can," said Eeyore.
Murphy's law says that if anything can go wrong, it will. I don't think life is that bad.

My own law would be split into 2 parts:
  1. When you really need to think, you will find that you are a Bear of Very Little Brain.
  2. When a positive attitude is key, you'll find that your heart is at Pooh's Corner with a certain gloomy burro.
So, life doesn't abide by Murphy's law. Everything works out perfectly in life except when you need it to. So, life is great if you don't really mind the particulars or the timing.

You could care about nothing, but that makes me--and maybe most people?--miserable.

So, how do you care about things without caring too much?

I'm a Bear of Very Little Brain right now, so I'll defer to Dr. Seuss:
Some are old. And some are new. Some are sad. And some are glad. And some are very, very bad.
Why are they sad and glad and bad?
I do not know. Go ask your dad.
Let's hang out at Pooh's Corner and think, think, think. Let's just not think too hard all the time.

Grin and Bear of Very Little Brain it.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Hammer Time!



Thor

Is anyone who isn't my brother-in-law excited that Kenneth Branagh is directing Thor: God of Thunder?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800369/

Brian Blessed as Odin? Rock my world. No one could be Odin like Hamlet's dear departed dad.

Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Jessica Biel, and Samuel L. Jackson? Okay, it's got to make some money, too, I guess.

So, I'm a little torn. Thor is weird and sounds like some midnight salami sandwich inspired dream. How do you not make this story become a campy, nerdy mess?

I don't know, but my Trekker wife is pretty excited to find out how Mr. Shakespeare/Laurence Olivier wannabe makes it happen or loses all respect trying.

Hammer Time!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Brownies from scratch

Can you make ooey, gooey, chocolate brownies that aren't from a box? No? I can. And there ain't no vegetable oil, neitha.

And they're fast enough to keep up with your fleeting chocoholic cravings. Done in about 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Melt 1/2 cup (1 stick) of butter and 4 oz. of chocolate and let cool (if it doesn't cool, you'll have heavy and dry brownies).

You can use the cheap Hershey's cocoa mixed with shortening or you can use expensive chocolate--the taste isn't much different for some food science reason far above us.

Beat 4 eggs (they should be at room temperature) and 1/4 tsp salt until light and foamy.

While beating, gradually add 2 cups sugar and 1 tsp vanilla. Beat until well creamed.

Gently and with as few strokes as possible, fold chocolate mixture into eggs and sugar. You better do this by hand.

Before completely uniform, fold in 1 cup all-purpose flour.

Before that is uniform, fold in 1 cup pecan meats. Pecans are yummy, but I like a major chocolate kick and nuts are the shin guards. Just give me a quick kick with a chocolate overload.

Instead of pecans, I like to add 1 cup chocolate chips. Don't use nasty chocolate chips for this, get a good brand of chocolate.

Bake in a greased 9 x 13 pan (or smaller if you like fat brownies like I do) about 20 minutes.

You better grab a big fork, a large bowl, some fresh whole milk, and a frozen mug, because I smell a party going on. You might even get away with watching Roman Holiday or Little Women while cuddling with a blanket and talking to your mom on the phone while you cry because you just ate all the brownies and are going to make one more batch even though you know you shouldn't.

Vacationer's Ultimate Recovery Program

Vacation is hard. Especially with little kids. Sure, they get to see their cousins. Sure, it's fun swimming and playing video games all night. Sure, it's fun feeding ice cream to your lactose-intolerant toddler He-Man, but when does the madness stop?

I have begun a new program to help pathetic vacation addicts. It's called the Vacationer's Ultimate Recovery Program. Or VURP.

My 11 step program will get you over your Vacation Delusion or VD. Why did vacations stop being relaxing when you turned 7? And why do you keep taking them?

1. Try to balance your checkbook now, buddy boy. Good luck. You won't actually be able to do this step: it's the trying that gets you to see reality.

2. Lay yourself down in a comfortable bed with your own pillow.

3. Now sleep in that bed.

4. Don't get out of bed.

5. Stay there all day if you can.

6. When you get up, make yourself some real food that Adam or Eve may have eaten. Make something that you would never find at McDonald's. This food item should be dissimilar to anything that might be found in a hotel couch cushion that you might have eaten because you were too busy defending Middle Earth via the Wii to get off of the hotel couch cushion.

7. Now take a nap.

8. Ignore the children's needs for a just a few more minutes. "Get out! Just a few more minutes! Out!"

9. Get up and stretch your neck.

10. Eat some chocolate.

11. Look at your checkbook one more time.

You should now be cured. Congratulations, and remember, Just Say No!

You have now passed the 11-step VURP course. You are a VURP Master!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Musical Theory


So, musical theory--I have one.

I think I may revolutionize the world of art and composition. Or at least increase sales of Red Bull among the starving artists with beards and vacant stares.

It is no secret that Mozart's 40th symphony changed the musical world. But what no one else has been sure of until now (this is the part that will make me famous among the Beards) is that Mozart was inspired by caffeine.

Here comes my proof. We'll use today's case study as our primary evidence (and sole inspiration for my theory). Notice I changed the subject of the last sentence to the plural so I can dish off some responsibility for my claim or to appear humble to the Beards who create artwork of Renaissance beauty and Twitter about me constantly after this.

Exposition:
First theme -- My toddler son Joseph (or "someone") sees his sister take Tylenol. Mom leaves the room, he moves the stool to the medicine shelf. This theme is happy with some darkness developing under the surface.
Second theme -- Joseph gets the Excedrin, a divine combination of acetaminophen, aspirin, and caffeine. This theme is much more sinister than the first.
Cadence theme -- Joseph (in a series of chords, hence the cadence) takes several Excedrin. The cadence theme is usually fast, because Mom might be back any second.

Development:
Here's where the fun begins. All I want to say about this is that I'm not a big fan of modulations.
Retransaction -- This part of the day is the letdown. It happens after your protagonist (or is it antagonist?) has been in the ER for three hours.

Recapitulation:
Do we have to go through this again? Goodness, Mozart. I've had enough.
First theme -- Joseph's dad (why did Mom stay home?) is given a cupful of charcoal to spoon into Joseph's mouth. This theme is more depressing this time.
Second theme -- Joseph gets the charcoal: Satan's attempt at making Dad's day more miserable. This theme is more evil and loud than it was in the Exposition.
Cadence theme -- Joseph throws it all back up several times. Yes, the charcoal. The cadence theme is usually fast, because Joseph wants to catch Dad off-guard.

Coda:
When we get home, Joseph throws up on the rug just to make sure we've developed this music as far as it can go.

The music ends on that note with Dad eating some heavily caffeinated chocolate while wearing a Vacant Stare....

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Keep on Rockin' in the Free World

Intimidating Jimmy Page

Angle Hair Pasta with Broccoli and Goat Cheese

The easiest and best quick dinner that doesn't taste quick. Thank you, Wolfgang Puck.

Put 1 1/2 cup of chicken stock in a saucepan over medium-high heat and let reduce for 15 minutes. Set aside.
Saute 1/2 pound of tiny broccoli florets in a tablespoon of olive oil over medium-high heat for 2 minutes until they are bright.
Toast 1 tablespoon of pine nuts (we use more like 1/4 cup--yum) in dry saute pan over low heat until golden.
Add 4 oz. fresh, creamy goat cheese to chicken stock, a teaspoon of fresh (or 1/2 tsp dried) thyme, pepper, 3 tablespoons butter, and sauteed broccoli. Remove from heat but keep warm. (We use French Chevre goat cheese. If you use imported and not fresh domestic like we do, you have to make sure the cheese melts thoroughly or the sauce will be gritty.)
Cook 12 oz. of angel hair pasta, al dente. Drain, add noodles to sauce, and toss.
Garnish with pine nuts and yum, yum, yum.

Yum.

Heaven in 20 minutes.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

The General

I just finished watching Buster Keaton's "The General": a silent film released in 1927. It is his best movie and Keaton is wonderful. He is known as the Great Stoneface because he never looks amused no matter how silly the stunt. He is a subtle actor and a brilliant director. He sets up his physical gags perfectly. His life revolves around his train, The General, and his girl, Annabelle Lee. When his train is stolen with his girl on board, Johnnie Gray--Keaton's character--goes to save them both from dozens of soldiers. He pulls out all the stops with train car gags, switching station gags, parallel train track gags, cannon gags, and even bear trap gags. You know the ones I mean; you've seen them copied a hundred times. Johnnie Gray, is brave and honorable, though a little dimwitted. Buster Keaton's acting and directing do him justice.

Charlie Chaplin, on the other hand, always grinned for the camera and went for pure sentimentality. I love his "City Lights" because it is romantic, loud, pure entertainment. He is anything but subtle. His gags are all overdone and drag on and on. Chaplin's character, The Tramp, is a total bum with few redeeming qualities. Chaplin hits the right balancing notes for The Tramp only in "City Lights" with his overly sensitive and noble quest to cure a blind girl that he has fallen for. Chaplin wrote the beautiful vaudeville music himself, or at least hummed it to the composer. The whole movie is flashy but perfect.

Thinking about these two movies, I know I should like "The General" better. I did love it. The gags themselves top anything Chaplin ever did. But for some reason, I keep thinking of what Cosmo Brown told Don Lockwood in "Singin' in the Rain".

You can study Shakespeare and be quite elite
You can charm the critics and have nothing to eat
Just slip on a banana peel, the world's at your feet
Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh!

Keaton, you're brilliant. Your stoneface, your direction, your instinct for timing would make Orson Welles blush.

Give me banana peels and cheap laughs.

All In A Day's Work

The company I work for is the best search engine optimization company around. We help professionals get their websites to the top of Google searches. They tell us what keyword searches they want to be found for and we take it from there.

I have a new dental client in Carlsbad, California that signed a contract with us on June 15.

Here where they were ranked in Google for these keywords:

"Carlsbad dentist" 247th (they were on the 25th page of search results)
"Carlsbad dental" 11th
"Carlsbad dentists" 271st
"Dentist Carlsbad CA" 17th
"Dentists Carlsbad CA" not in first 200 search results

Eight days later, they were ranked 2nd, 1st, 4th, 5th, and 4th for the same keywords in Google. Man, I'm good.

They've bounced around a little in the top 6 this month. They are currently 3rd, 1st, 4th, 5th, and 4th.

We do a lot of dental websites, but we've done E-commerce websites, legal websites, insurance websites, and all kinds of other sites. We haven't seen a website yet that we can't get onto the first page of Google. We even have the number one spot for "love quotes," which I know all of you search so often. There are over 50,000,000 competing websites for that term.

No one even pays us until they are in the top ten Google search results for the keyword they choose.

www.elementseo.com/

Sometimes it's hard being so good at something.

I Have a Little Brother

He doesn't go potty in normal locations.

Mom says he's not naughty, I still have frustrations,

because of his constant, untimely filtrations.

That boy should receive some kind of citation,

or at least be put on lengthy probation,

But Mom doesn't mind it (some crazy fixation),

she still doesn't mind

after nine months gestation.


I wrote this poem for The Daily Universe on 1 March 2007. They were too unartistic to recognize my poetic genius. Didn't they notice my perfectly strict amphibrachic tetrameter? My impeccable line breaking? The unstrainted, unassuming adult language coming from a toddler sibbling? As intuitive, self-aware, and grown-up as a child ever has been--Huck Finn, Ender Wiggins, pshaw. This is GENIUS!

I have more confidence in your taste. You will appreciate it. Am I right, or have I misplaced my trust in you as well?...

Who can a true artist confide in these days? Sheesh.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Five years!


Five years today--Happy anniversary, Honey.

I can't think of a better way to spend my life than with you and the kids. You're the best.

I love you.

Remember when I couldn't visit you and propose to you in California because I had borrowed my poor widowed grandmother's only car and ruined her transmission? Or when we found out you were pregnant with Adelaide? Our "Honeymoon Week" before Joseph was born? When you spent all of our money eating out at expensive restaurants every single night?

Remember go-karts at Big Bear? Watching Winged Migration? David crashing our only reliable car because he really, really had to see his girlfriend? What was her name?

Remember our first fight? I don't.

Remember our last fight? Uh...I do. Sorry.

Remember when Joseph used to break everything? And Adelaide would laugh? That was this morning. I hope you remember.

Remember our trip to Long Beach? Me meeting your parents? You meeting mine?

I love you. I'm glad you don't mind living in a basement with me and three kids and hobbit-sized ceilings and one crummy vehicle and another crummier vehicle. And $150. Or is it -$150. I forget.

I love you.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

A Techie Numbskull

I am afraid of circuits, wires, LEDs, LCDs, and all things lithium.

And unfamiliar software and applications make my head pound.

But I am going to blog.

Beast eats man. Man makes spear. Man eats beast.

Uh hu-huh huh. Me can blog. Oog.